From learning Spanish, homeschooling, parenting, even to cleaning house there are ALWAYS frustrations in life.... I mean, being young and single even had frustrations.
I've noticed a new development in my life - I'm not sure if it's wisdom, experience, middle-age, a personality flaw, or just luck, so listen up! I've developed a REALLY good knack for turning frustration situations into WINS.
It's kind of awesome. You can do it, too.
Three easy steps: (Let's call it the three step pivot.)
STEP ONE) RECOGNIZE that you are legitimately frustrated, and identify the cause. (This is SORT of a two part step.) Maybe you aren't legitimately angry - maybe you're being ridiculous. It happens. And part 2, what's the CAUSE?
~ Time? (this is usually my issue)
~ ... which means it's NOT time, it's my lack of preparation. <<Ooof.>>
~ lack of patience (in you or someone else)?
~ Lack of ability (in you or someone else)?
~ lack of resources? (peanut butter, money, paper, pencils, .... CHOCOLATE?)
STEP TWO) NEUTRALIZE the cause. This is the hardest step. You must REMOVE the power from the thing that is frustrating you. It requires a pivot of some sort. Often, it's from my sense of humor. Or a adjust the goal by adding time, a new expectation, or a removal of the requirement all together. I'll give some examples in a bit.
STEP THREE) VERBALIZE! Express gratitude for the frustration. This drives type A people batty, but it doesn't mean it's not helpful. And then there's the win. The lesson is SUPER easy to see, even the four year olds are able to voice "WOW! That is WAY BETTER, momma!"
"Hey! Now we know how to handle this issue!"
When you voice a new lesson, not only are you causing exponential teaching to happen, but you are deepening your own absorption of the lesson. You are MUCH more likely to recall this new skill in a time of need because you have shared it.
Here are some scenarios and the new 3 step pivot left out, and then included.
LEGITIMATE FRUSTRATION - lost shoe, no pivot: A child is keeping the family from leaving on time. They can't find their shoes, most of the kids are in the car, but this one is getting more and more upset, in a frenzy knowing that mom is getting more and more frustrated with the hurry we now have to live under. Typically, the kid FINALLY finds the shoe, everyone is late and angry, mom is either giving a consequence or trying to formulate a preventative measure for next time. And the event at the very least is slightly ruined because excitement has now given way to anger in some sense in each person.
LEGITIMATE FRUSTRATION - lost shoe with a 3 step pivot:
STEP 1)You're frustrated because you DO have a plan, a place for the shoes, and you DID have plenty of time set aside for each child to be ready and in the car. This kid IS capable, and doesn't typically mess up in this way, so the shock of it also is adding to your frustration. Surprises of any sort increase our volume or emotional saturation level. RECOGNIZE: I'm out of time, and I'm surprised that my plan didn't happen the way I expected. I do NOT like being late.
STEP 2) Typically, there's the rush around, the finding of the missing shoe. NEUTRALIZE: There are a few things to change here. Sometimes you can decide to be late. Oh well. We're going to be late. Sometimes you can NOT be late. Oh well, you're going without shoes. And the hardest one: You can choose to be happy and pleasant anyway, late, and with the finally found shoe, and teach the kids how to graciously enter quietly and without fanfare, notify the host, etc etc et - When you are unavoidably late to an event, this is the kindest, most respectful way to do so. (Also, let go of all the judgement you've pent up over the years to those who were late to your events. Yep. I know. They were ruse. Forgive them and decide to understand. You didn't know what you know now.)
STEP 3) VERBALIZE Say out loud all the steps, as kindly as you can muster. "You know, I was really upset, but I'm glad now that we've had the chance to learn how to be late graciously, or how to monitor our own speech when we're in a hurry, and even better, how to decide NOT to be in a hurry!" Add even more gusto to the lesson with a Q&A session with the children:
Did you feel frustrated too?
What part did you like the least?
What part did you like the best?
Do you think we learned anything?
And, let's end with the best move of all time, using the FRUSTRATIONS of the Fire Swamp, with the THREE STEP PIVOT!
Do you have any PIVOT wins to share? I would LOVE to hear them!
https://images.app.goo.gl/hDZafRvYoUc4QH5a8